Unorthodox Ideas

I'm shutting down..

2008-10-12T06:32:00.001-07:00

I think it's about time I admit that I won't be needing you anymore.. not in the foreseeable future anyway. I feel that I finally have a more realistic outlet to express my views and virtues to the world.. by taking things in my own hands and doing or saying as I have always meant to. We've come a long way since the days when I was without an outlet for expression, and you have served me well. But what triggered this was when I met an old friend after years of silence and there was nothing new that I could tell her about me because you had told her everything.. everything that I have written in you. That's definitely not what this is for. So fare thee well my dear blog.. for now.

House

2008-06-04T06:11:00.000-07:00

Ok I am just SO IN LOVE with House!! Ok not House the star of the show.. but the show itself! It really has the ability to make you feel as if you know enough to save a person now! And after a few random episodes, I even know enough medical terms to understand them! Isn't that fantastic?

But sadly I just watched the season finale of one of the seasons (duh! guess that's why i'm not a doctor eh) and it was SO sad. Amber dies and House has suffered a brain hyperactivity or something! I mean, I was actually close to tears here, and I didn't even know who the heck this Amber was at the start of this episode! That's what this show can do to you man.. I mean you have to get past the med terms ( SO getting it), past the injustice that you might/might not feel cause it's like House picks who he wants to save, past the fact that House is practically playing God with these patients' lives.. and you'll see the big fat picture:

This is a show that is both entertaining AND educational.

Everytime I finish a House episode, I get out of the couch with my head swelling full of med terms. I mean seriously, who knew that simple flu pills which contains proteins could get you killed if you got into an accident and all your vital organs failed cause you can't do a dialysis to flush the poison out? Cause it's proteins, not drugs?

MAN. Pass me something/someone to save right now. I can feel the power of healing in my bones.. get me a fly. No swat it first so I can save it. Crud, you smashed it. What can I possibly do with fly juice?? Get it into the ICU! Do an MRI!!

I'm SO getting it.

2008-05-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

OK I was SOOOO tempted to start my blog with a big huge SIGH but I realise being such an infrequent blogger, I'm warranted to at least entertain a little instead of spinning anyone kind enough to read her off to more misery right?

So anyway, to cheer you up lets look at my wonderful life! Here's what's happened over the last 24 hours:

- I have my papers in front of me, only 16 days left till exams and yet here I am blogging, procrastinating, being an idiot.

- I have so much carbs and junk food pumped into me that I'm tired ALL THE TIME. Omg I'm craving for one of my mom's tasteless but healthy home cooked meals!!

- I've resumed blogging and yet no one reads it!! Then again can you blame them, I've been neglecting it for so many months..

- Everything hurts/itches! Back aches, shoulder itches.. you name it.

- I just want to break free and scream " To HELL with exams!!" If only my dad was as rich as The Trump, then I wouldn't have any pressure graduating on time.. heck I could be in uni till I'm 40 and he probably wouldn't care.

- I feel like saying all kinds of blasphemious profanity, and here I am ranting in plain English. SIGH....

There I go scratching again..

You know, it's times like this that makes me feel, you know what, what's the point. You're going to end up on the streets anyway. You're not --insert any trait here-- anyway.. what's the point of trying.

I need some retail therapy. It's been 2 weeks, I've been good. I NEED to go see some bright lit places with things nicely arranged, smelling freshly new. I don't need to own them, I just like to see.. watch the lucky ppl earning AUD walking around with large shopping bags.. wonder to myself if I would ever be in that kind of financial position.. remember my academic record and think "No way!"..

GREAT. This is the first time I've ever talked myself out of a shopping trip craving.

Nothing works anymore.

First blog entry in months

2008-05-13T03:28:00.000-07:00

Phew.. I haven't blogged in such a long time I was afraid I'd be unable to put thoughts keyboard again.. but hey it isn't that hard once you get started eh. Since the last entry, any typing that I've done was uni-related so feeling slightly vulnerable and lost now that there aren't any 'references' that I can turn to for blogging.. hahaha what am I saying, tsk tsk obviously sleep-deprivation doesn't work well on me.

Going through a rough patch now uni-wise, lets just say Excel and I have come to an agreement, and that is once this damn assignment is done we shall not speak to each other for at least a month. Well I'm kidding of course, as complicated as that damn program is, it can't talk. It's like if it were some form of being, I'd want to hold on to its shoulders and shake it and say, "Hah! Not so smart after all are you! Can't even talk.. phooey!"

There I go again.. going dingbat crazy.

Notice something? I only blog when things are looking bad, I hardly ever blog for the good stuff that happens. Weird. No wonder people don't read here, I've got one of those blogs that are better left unread cause once you do read it, you feel worse off than if you hadn't. Geez is my grammar going haywire there?

Anyway here I am, still alive, weighing 2kgs heavier (more on the way) since the last time I blogged, wishing God could be kinder to people who aren't well equipped in Excel.

2008-02-19T07:48:00.000-08:00

Getting the little fuzzies (my rats and mouse) back tonight reinstates that I once again fill the shoes of the very difficult to pronounce 'Tjia Wen' the Monash University student who is always mentally unprepared for change. Over the past 2 months I went from rather clueless university student to rather clueless intern, then rather spoilt brat with daddy's plastic and back to rather clueless university student. Can you blame me for having some kind of identity crisis imploding in me?

It used to be fun here.. or so I thought. Now that we're one semester from the supposed graduation (well I sure hope I pull it off), I'm gasping for air while doing dog paddles to keep from drowning in the deep ocean of cold uncertainty. No one can help me here, I'm on my own, expected to be an adult about everything while my parents, who always outwardly say that I should start making decisions on my own still imply that their choices are the best and I sometimes helplessly fall back into the comforts of having everything decided for by them.

Dressing the part doesn't help, I may look like an almost-22-year-old but I definitely don't feel like it. Half the time I don't even know what I'm doing, just biding my time till someone points me the way. It's like I'm one of the herd that's being ushered into our respective barns then shut there forever. Some days I function all zombie-like. Don't even ask me what I want. If it's bags and shoes it's all fine, but with life? God knows. I want everything. I want to be rich, but still be down to earth and humble. I want to be glamorous but in a subtle way so no one would stare. I want to be smart enough to not feel overshadowed by friends, but not too smart to think that I didn't need anyone else.

Geez it sucks to be feeling like that during CNY, any Chinese kid's greatest time of the year. But hey, I'm not a kid anymore I guess. Feels like I spent my holiday working at a job that gave me something to mention in a resume that I'll be using to apply for jobs that I don't really want. Just feels like I'm striving to be better at something that I wish I knew nothing about. Well knowing nothing about what I'm getting this degree for seems to be well over-achieved in my case, but being pigeon-hold into doing something in the field seems inevitable.

Maybe it's the jet-lag? Do people get jet-lag from 3 hours difference? Didn't think so.

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Now playing: Feist - 1234
via FoxyTunes

At the altar of love, life and FREEDOM

2008-02-02T07:26:00.000-08:00

The past couple of days have been pretty hectic.. I'm thanking the Gods of Impatience and Impulses that pushed me to ask the ex-boss for a few days of earlier release. If not, I wouldn't have been able to do what I did and be able to do what I plan on doing for the next few days!

Ok so I've been getting some feedback from friends who read my blog (so a rare few, you could imagine) who say that half the time they don't know what I'm talking about here. Well to be honest, this blog's my outlet, a form of release that I use to express my frustrations and confusions in life that almost everyone else doesn't seem to suffer from. So most details were supposed to be kept private, as long as you've got the concept.

Well anyway, enough of that. I don't even know why I started this entry in the first place, didn't really have a point to it. Oh yeah HI LYDIA!!! If you're reading this. Cause I assume nobody.. and I mean ZILCH.. reads my blog, it always comes as a surprise to me when I meet up with friends who I haven't seen in years who tell me straight as bootlaces that they've been reading my blog. Cause well.. I feel a little cheated you see. I should have read theirs too if they have one, just so that I won't feel as if they know everything about me but I can't return the favour. It's like the lyrics of the song 'Killing me softly', he knows her so well and yet he doesn't actually know her that he's killing her softly with his song. Get what I mean?

Full day ahead.. gotta go charge up the batteries. My internal ones of course. Cya!

Last day of work

2008-01-31T07:47:00.000-08:00

Wow.. I never thought I'd make it. Feels like yesterday that we just got back here and started work and COULDN'T wait till we'd be done. And now, I am. Ironically, I'm feeling aimless too.. It's just those blues when you're done with school and now you're not formerly expected to be anywhere to do anything productive.

Whew I'm really tired.. laters!

I'm not a "Welcome" doormat

2008-01-29T06:00:00.000-08:00

Replying to @pril's comment:

I'd agree with you girl, cause I was thinking the same thing too. Do whatever it is that they give me, no matter how menial and make sure they see me attending to it with enthusiasm. Heck that was my motto too when I began the internship.

UNTIL I made the fateful phone call with the Assoc Director and found out why it was that I was specially chosen to go back to the office for the coveted task of stamp sticking.. because I did it so well. So well that no one else could've done it better than me. Not even the other Vacation Trainees or anyone else at the bottom of the food chain. Straight from the horse's mouth.

So all the effort spent making sure I stuck stamps, copied addresses and printed address labels correctly in the shortest time possible actually only showed them what a good and efficient little secretary I made and they had to make use of me before I leave.

To further prove it to you, my bf's the other Vacation Trainee, we take the same course and all. Big difference is he gives them a scowl and makes sure they know that he's unhappy every time he's asked to do something stupid like that. What did he end up with? More experience in IT audit than me. Cause they didn't even DARE to ask him to go back to the office for stamp licking, heck when I didn't want to do it they didn't even hand him the task, gave it to a Senior IT Exec instead.

Conclusion? Being nice doesn't do anything for me. Bite me and I've got to bite their heads off. It's a dog eat dog world after all.

I need a life map

2008-01-28T07:56:00.000-08:00

I was having a bad day. It started out with me rushing to work only to find that the other colleague wasn't there yet, and when I was told to make sure a certain person was at the office just to make sure I was at the right place. The receptionist (already impatient with the confused stranger so early in the morning) called the person and brought me to see him. So I crapped about how there isn't enough room for all the auditors and he said he doesn't book rooms. Great.. just remember if you wanted to be rid of a client fast, just ask for me. I can send your 'great impressions' right out the window.

Moving on, after a lot of going up and down the building and asking questions I finally felt that I would be able to get a better grasp on the job. Finally I was able to say I learned something in this internship. And what happened? The senior associate executive sends me msges and emails detailing my next CNY card batch to be sent out tomorrow. Whoop dee doo I thought, looks like all that effort I put in to make sure I don't screw this up has vomited on me again. This is happening way too often.. and I could've continued crying with self pity if JH didn't threaten that I make a call to fix it or he'd do it for me.

Well call I did and now I'm still hyperventilating from the awkwardness that awaits me at the office on Thursday. I don't know whether to feel relieved or just dread Thursday. Think I'll just blank. JH and my dad think we've got victory in our hands now that I've finally shown I've got some backbone. If you ask me, I think there's nothing to be proud of, unless screwing up every internship I've had counts as something.

Calling them is one thing, seeing my self confidence crumble is another. It's just become even more obvious to me now that this isn't what I should be doing, and when that feeling hits me like a tidal wave at random times during the day I just feel a sense of loss. Confusion sets and I wonder why I am where I am and what the heck am I doing. It's crazy. I'm waiting for an answer but there's none. What if I end up waiting for the rest of my life? I don't know, I just don't know.

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Now playing: Daniel Powter - You Had a Bad Day
via FoxyTunes

Stupid girl.

2008-01-25T07:23:00.000-08:00

Wow 2 posts in a day.. I must be pretty emo. Can't blame me though.. after all that has happened. Please allow me to lament.. for that's all I can think of doing now. I'm a pretty gloomy person aren't I? Don't worry I'll post up ugly pictures of myself later on to cheer you up ok?

I told the bosses that I want to end my internship early. After all how much can one learn from licking stamps and printing out address labels? I see JH and what he has learned during his internship and it's like comparing a watermelon to a peanut. I feel as if I just started this internship all over again cause I can't say I know much more now about what I do than I did when I began. Call it sexism, call it oppression, but seriously I think I've been downright stupid.

"Carmen, Mr. *** wants this today, do you think you could help finish it by the end of today?" at 5.30 pm, just when I was done packing up. It wasn't the fact that I had to stay in to work later and weather the jam after that, ladies and gentlemen, it was WHY I had to do it. TO. STICK. STAMPS. ON. GREETING. CARD. ENVELOPES.

Actually the only projects that I can claim I saw through in the 1 1/2 months was the Star job and working on the boss's address book and Chinese New Year card recipient list. So I ask myself, is it the way I carry myself? Maybe. If you knew me you'd say my self esteem is beyond humble, to the point of even putting myself down. Maybe it's the way I smile, my parents say I can look sarcastic so I smile some more, and that's when opportunists see a welcome mat to use the underdog. OR maybe I'm just not suited for this field.. heck maybe I'm not even suited to be around people.. but one thing I do know now is that I want to cry.

Sticking stamps not so bad, you say? It was the last straw. Weeks spent sitting around the office waiting for someone to claim me as their slave for the day.. so I could go photocopy things for them at a client's office. Only once or twice was my intelligence ever acknowledge. And the stamp licking? I wasn't the only one in the office who wasn't busy, heck there was a new girl with the same position as me. But was she told to help?

No. Cause Carmen can settle anything. She's our super-office girl. That's why we have to show our displeasure when she tells us she isn't feeling well enough to continue working for the day or wants to finish her term here earlier so she'd have enough time to pack for Melbourne.

Good heavens no... why when she leaves, who would do the dirty work? *GASP* me and my porcelain precious hands?? Touching... *DOUBLE GASP* GLUE??? STAPLERS??? FOR GREETING CARDS???????!!!!!!

No no no... we must keep her with us for as long as we can.. why she's so useful..

All those weeks of carefully laying the foundation.. thinking that maybe if I do a good job here and keep a smiling face no matter what they asked me to do, I wouldn't be forgotten when the time comes to ask for maybe a reference or a recommendation letter... I've been so naive.

I feel like such a fool.

Punk'd

2008-01-24T17:19:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry, I caved. Peer pressure and all that. It was too tempting, I was promised it would be great once I tried. That I would never look back at my old life when I didn't have it coursing through my skin. It was sweet.. intoxicating even. Nobody mentioned it could get addictive. Nobody mentioned that it was a predator in an angel's costume. It took me to a high.. and then I came crashing down to earth. Plagued with the reality that there's no turning back now.. it's too late. Thanks to the persuasions of friends who have succumbed to it years before, I got my first taste ..............of having a Facebook account. =D

Well at first it was great.. I felt connected to old friends again, people of my past, who were present when I didn't want them to be (during my most embarrassing moments). And I found Rachel! An old primary school friend who lost contact with me 9 years ago after she moved to the US.. it was great. Then things had to happen.. I guess you're practically asking for it when you put up pictures of yourself, be it butt ugly or not. People are free to take it and look at it whenever they want.. in Facebook they're even encouraged to comment, a function I found rather distressing soon after. Oh well down came the picture, there goes another one that I look at least half decent in that the whole world will never see. Guess they'll just have to settle with the beauty within.. or the lack of it.

But like I said, now that I'm connected to my old friends, I can't bring myself to delete the account, as much as I want to. A small part of my brain is even trying to get me to post up more pictures, something I'm intending to do since the N73's camera is just so awesome. Well no match for the K800i of course, but I'm taking a break from Sony Ericsson for awhile. Maybe this whole soon-to-be accounting lifestyle's getting to me.. cause I caught myself thinking Nokia's interface is actually not bad yesterday (woe betide me!). Well, that was my cue to brag about my new phone.. hehehe.. somehow I think it's ok to brag about this one cause well.. the model's so old it's out of production lol so nobody would actually be offended. Assuming there are people who read my blog of course.

I think the bosses are coming in.. toodles!

15 effective working days to go...

2008-01-14T07:34:00.000-08:00

And I'm missing life back in Melbourne like crazy. The easy carefree life.. cars and politics complicates everything. I feel so stuffed up and chained here. Doesn't help that I'm listening to Celine Dion's 'All By Myself'.

I'm missing my little ones like crazy too.. The lady taking care of them hasn't replied my email. I'm telling myself not to panic, it's only been 2 days, they're all fine despite the heat and the news circulating that the murderous Melbourne-ian weather's killing rats. Hoping and praying my little Coco, Cadbury, Tugger and Scamper are fine.

IELTS speaking test on Wednesday, so nervous now. I'm reminded left and right that as a natural English speaker I'll be fine, but what they don't remember is that even though you speak it, it doesn't mean you're grammatically right. Just the other day I was chatting on MSN and my grammar was corrected (freakish idiot), I just froze. I thought I wrote better than I speak. That's the norm anyway. No amount of burning the midnight oil reading Marian Keyes books can help me at this time. "In my head, there's an old man wearing a sandwich board that says "The End is Nigh".

Life's looking pretty questionable now, it's like even though I'm home, I don't feel at home. My mind and heart are elsewhere most of the time, I detach myself from feeling the sense of loss from being physically at 'home' by not staying home at all. I go out everyday.. the last time I had dinner at home was what.. last Sunday maybe? It's the coping mechanism that we all have in ourselves to work around what goes on that are out of our control.. It's my way of being away even though I'm not. Somehow, it's true that distance makes the heart grow fonder.

I've had it with the noise, the crowd, the traffic, the people.. it's like I'm 50 and done with life. Is this just another typical trip home or a strangled cry for help at what's happening inside?

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Now playing: Celine Dion - All By Myself
via FoxyTunes

I'm all grown up... whoopdeedoo

2007-12-31T01:04:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone! It hasn't been a very good New Year's Eve for me so far, I just can't wait to get out of here!! I'm keeping all eyes and ears open.. and I mean all of them even the eye I'm trying to grow on the back of my head.. just to make sure that I don't get caught blogging in the middle of the office. Literally.

Oh and there's that other reason too, so that my superior doesn't find himself obligated to find me more 'research work' to do once he notices that I've kept my eyes closed for longer than necessary in the midst of what was supposed to be a blink, the extra seconds confirming that I have in fact dozed off. It won't look good on our very new department.. oh no.. God forbid should anyone find out that there isn't enough work to keep even the vacation trainees awake. But he means well.. I know that.

I also know that I'm finding it so hard to breathe now maybe because of the Otak-otak fried rice I had for lunch though the Otak-otak element was nowhere to be found, or the sheer restlessness of being shut indoors, at a boring office where I once only saw it as an 'adults' place' and had nothing to do with us children but now look! I'm one of them now!

Ohh the sheer agony.. please God release me from the slow and painful death.. Why can't 5.30 come any sooner??

Look at them.. walking past me, pretending not to look at what I'm doing on the computer.. but we all know we're nosy parkers. Just look at them trying not to look.. to judge.. but they are.

Wish me luck.. I may not survive the last half hour here for the year.

Things I learned having spent 2 weeks at work

2007-12-28T07:57:00.000-08:00

1) When you're the only other person in the ladies', chances are the other lady's going to practice the PVC - Pee Volume Control. It's when they're peeing, but you can hear that they're trying to control it to avoid sounding like a waterfall in an otherwise quiet toilet. Why bother you ask? Because chances are you'd probably know who that other person is, having only 1 toilet per floor and only a handful of people working on that floor. Cause God forbid if you'd ever remember them as the Waterfall of Pee Lady.

2) First impressions are everything. Not in the sense of personality and all that of course, I'm referring to totally superficial terms here. If you look like the tea lady on your first day, or even week, it doesn't matter if you look dazzling after that, people would be thinking that you're trying too hard to impress and it won't be associated with you just dressing decently anymore. So if you've got anything to wax/fix/buy, for goodness' sakes do it before you start work.

3) Ooooh... ok I gtg continue later. TOO TIRED!!!

Sorry this post was short-lived. Toodles and happy new year!

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Now playing: James Morrison - One Last Chance
via FoxyTunes

A bout of bad days

2007-12-11T07:22:00.001-08:00

This holiday started out sucky.. and it looks like that's going to be a continuing trend for the remainder of my 2 months here. To my guardian angel (if I ever had one), great time to take time off, thanks. Like the recent news didn't faze me enough, we had to be late for work today, the very FIRST day of work cause of some rally protests and police roadblocks all the way to KL city center. Just my luck. In the end, they told us, forget about it, start on Thursday instead. Guess they didn't want a couple of newbies wandering in at 10am when work was supposed to have started at 8.3o. Geez, wonder how they even got there in time. I guess if I wasn't so paranoid about the public transport here, I wouldn't have been late either. But lets leave me fainting from sheer paranoia at being in too-close-for-comfort proximity with some suspicious looking bad hats. Thanks Mum for the heads up, why would I need to read the papers when you feed me with all those gruesome stories of girls getting molested/raped/robbed/kidnapped even right outside their own homes and then warning me to be super careful with every step I take. Hmm, I wonder why I get so scared?

I'm SO missing life back in good ol' Melbourne. Sure, it was hot, there were flies and stinky hobos and staring longingly at cars that pass us by, but I'd take that any time of the day for being stuck at home, air conditioner on and bla bla bla.. with absolutely NOTHING to do. If I was in Melb, I'd play with the ratties, or watch Friends or Raymond again and again, or just chill. But anyone who knows me well enough would know that my M'sia home isn't a good place to chill. I find that there's always a slight air of tension that goes around the house, like a tiny lion cub awaiting its first prey. Of course at times the little cub turns into a full grown massive roaring giant of a lion, but there will always be that cub when the atmosphere subsides. Just that tiny bit that serves as a warning to anyone who dares cross the line.

It's early days, but I'm counting till we're back where we can't call home.

An ode to rats

2007-12-02T04:59:00.001-08:00

Curious stares from passer-bys
Angry glares and startled cries
As we walked the streets of Melbourne
To my rat, many heads turn

For what they don't understand
Is that a rat can be a friend
Sometimes better than our own kind
We form friendships in time

They watch and it shows
That when you tell them your woes
Although they don't understand
They can still be your friend

So I hope that day by day
More people can find a way
To give these little creatures their love
For which they'll find is a great treasure trove

Bring me sweet relief

2007-11-05T11:08:00.000-08:00

I'm still awake.. and Mgmt Accting finals is 3 1/2 hours away. This spells trouble, but I just couldn't sleep. What with so many things on my mind: the ant problems, sending the rats off to someone else for 3 months, International Finance final paper tomorrow, etc.. SIGH. It's a wonder how my head doesn't explode being filled up with thoughts and worries all the time. On top of that I still have space for whether Iraq will ever find peace, whether there's enough to feed the needy, whether the next guy I pass by could be a rapist,etc. Seriously, I need a holiday.

Tore my hair out..so now I'm bald.

2007-11-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

SIGH.... last 2 papers and I'm going nuts. It's just so frustrating that just when you've finished your first round of tute qs, when someone asks you something from the earlier tutes you realise that you don't remember anything from there and you have to start over. I HATE INTERNATIONAL FINANCE.

The subject's fun enough, if they gave us enough questions to practice with. Honestly I find it quite interesting, albeit the 'uncle' lecturer who spends half the lecture saying 'uhh.. uhh...' so I can't attend tutes without getting irritated, and the sheer lack of information in the lecture notes which I rely on cause of reason stated before, I can't go to the tutes nor listen to them. What's the point of taking the trouble to go to lectures when an hour later you emerge thinking, "This is what I came here for? Damn, that's 1 hour of my life I'll never get back." Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against the lecturer personally, he's a very nice guy who seems to be able to explain things better when asked personally than when in a roomful of 200 people.

It's at times like these that I envy my rats. Not so much the mice, cause the poor things are alone in separate tanks. But these damn rats (in an affectionate tone) only have to worry about which hammock to sleep in, where to poo so I'd need to go pick them up and how to attract my attention, usually by pooing away from the litter box. And there isn't a need to actually, cause they only need to look cute which they haven't stopped doing to get us to take them out for some treats or run around to chew whatever's in the way.

Thank goodness they're here though, cause if it was only me and JH and some fish, we'd probably be up the wall by now trying to figure out equations. You can't get more entertained than watching 2 little rats wrestle and steal stuff from each other. Ok maybe you can be more entertained with more rats lol.

Anyway here's a picture of Scamper, one of my male mice. It's been a long running joke that he's kinda gay, cause his coat colour's kinda girly compared to Rufus' mostly black berkshire, plus I put in a pink little hammock which he loves to sleep in and peek out of, which makes him even more gay cause he looks so good in pink lol.

Posing on top of the gay pink hammock

Coco the rat peeking from their cage. They do this a lot, as if asking "What's the commotion?" even when there is none.

Well... I'm sure some of you will find it quite off-putting that someone would have a rat as a pet, but don't pass judgment till you've held one of them, they're the most cuddly and loving little creatures.

Off to slavesville for more brain mining.

Only one will survive while the other dies

2007-10-29T20:20:00.000-07:00

There it lay, quietly in between the rug and the carpet. Not moving, not even a twitch. It was probably resting, comforted by the thought that it had found the perfect spot for a snooze, hiding where the edge of the rug had cast a shadow on the carpet. And if all else fails, at least his body was the same colour as the carpet, his stripes as the gap between the nap.

"Ah the ignorant humans. This is what you get for neglecting the housework, not that I've anything to complain anyway. Once my friends find out just how liberal our kind can be around here, taking naps right in the middle of the room, these humans will never see the end of us," it probably thought while basking the afternoon sun.

It probably would've survived if it wasn't so arrogant. If it was more cautious, more vigilant after it had heard the door shut, it would've known better than to be lying there, right in the middle of the living room. But I guess that would make this little story rather boring, if it had survived.

The female human, being the braver one in quests to slay the many legged kind, felt a gaze on her and stopped in her tracks. Upon realising that it wasn't just dust, she screamed "HEY!! THERE'S A BIG SPIDER!! BRING ME THE SWATTER!!" while running around frantically looking for the infamous green fly swatter. Failing so, she took a wad of tissue paper and BAM!! there goes our arachnid friend.

Full of disgust, she flushes it down the loo in the dark, afraid that she would see its flattened body floating in the bowl. There's the end of it, she thought. Who's to know, that when she next needed to use the toilet, AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

floating spider legs. It's been a bad day for both of them.

Ballarat Trip

2007-10-19T07:01:00.001-07:00

Ok I said I'll post up pics.. so here they are!

Trip-mates: Ash, Shal, Wan Tse (1C).

At Sovereign Hill, Ballarat

Outside the mining shaft while waiting to be taken on a tour into the mine which btw we had to pay another $4 for.. what the heck was the entrance fee for then -_-

We got bored so we started taking pictures..

Say "Sex!".... people around us were looking at us funny. Ok it started with one of our old sec school teachers... long story and I don't know half of it.

I was so afraid I'd crush Shal with my Himalayan yeti weight.. Ash weighed only as much as 4 bamboo sticks so it was fine for her to sit lol!

Ash & Shal cam-whoring @ St. Kilda's the following day

Ok better hit the books. Can't wait to go home!!!!

Possibly the most random post ever

2007-10-02T05:44:00.001-07:00

Hello hello.. I'm in a wild mood today, most likely from all the pent-up energy I have after having slept the day away. So today, I'm going to blog about.. blogging.

Hmm.. pressed and they tell me I've published this post. Funny funny.. that even blogger wants to hijack the most boring post ever. Oh btw, if you didn't get that, I was talking about this post. Look at me! I'm saying post way too many times for you to keep reading this. Which brings me to this question, DOES anyone read my blog? But that'll be another entry, ladies and gentlemen. Wouldn't like my non-ideas to run dry too quickly now would you?

ANYWAY... I've come to realise, after having blogged for about 3 years now, that people blog for different reasons. Some do it to brag about their wonderfully colourful social lives, some who don't have a social life (like yours truly) would try to make one up and for the rest of the time tell non-interested people who happen to browse by their blog about their misery of having a non-existent social life, while others just like to share their opinions to the world. They share something in common though.. these three categories of bloggers love to talk about one thing...themselves. I'm not being a hypocrite, heck I love talking about myself. Aha, see you were just about to react to the statement I made but I hit it right out of the court with a rather unattractive confession about myself. I should be a lawyer.

Ok anyway.. I never really get how people can just blog about what they did that day and where they went with who. Aha... I see you're saying "You're just jealous, that's why you said that". Well in a way I kind of am.. cause I can never blog about that. There see, I did it again. Would someone offer me a scholarship to Harvard already. ANYWAY.. what I was trying to say is that, being a person whose life is rather mundane most of the time, I don't know whether it's cause I don't go anywhere much so I don't get much practice, or it's just that I think it's rather presumptuous to think that people would be interested in what you did with your nose hair on Wednesday in the shopping mall. Not that anyone has ever blogged about that but wouldn't it be interesting now if someone did.

Ok.. it's like there's 2 ppl talking in my head and the one who's trying to blog keeps getting interrupted by the other one who keeps making jokes. Too much chips!!

ANYWAY (oh for the love of god get to the point).. while it's all very interesting to blog about feelings and bla bla bla.. I wish I could blog more about the places I went and the things I did. I can never seem to do that, and what's more post extremely unattractive pictures of myself here cause well lets face it, I'm not the most photogenic person out there. SO in the first attempt to blog about something I did WITH pictures.. here goes nothing.

Ok I can't do it. Maybe another day.

Sometimes, I wish I was a pet rat.

2007-10-01T07:23:00.000-07:00

A swollen finger and sore throat marks the end of yet another long-awaited break that seemed to have passed us by so quickly I didn't even get the chance to really live it. I don't see the point of giving us a break and calling it a mid-semester break when it's only 1 week and it's a month away from finals. They should just forget the whole thing so we won't have to have this longing feeling at this crucial time of the semester.

It started out great: my old secondary schoolmates had planned a little one-day getaway to Ballarat and there was of course the Royal Melbourne Show that we had to go by hook or by crook. I stayed a little longer than planned at Ash's house and ended up being so tired when I got back cause of me and my stupid inability to sleep in an unfamiliar place so that had cost me an extra day to recuperate. By that time it was already Tuesday so we thought we'd better get started on the auditing assignment and before you know it, it's Friday, we're cracking our heads trying to audit the damned thing and when we were done we needed to take a day's break and BAM! it's Sunday, we're so lacking in sleep but we had to go to the Royal Show cause it's the last day. Phew! Bet you couldn't read it as fast as the week went by. Seriously, either give us a week's break without any assignments, or don't give us a break at all. Stupid conniving weasels.. feeling so cheated off my break now.

I'm in denial now.. it's bad to be in denial at this time of the semester. Chips, anyone?

I don't want to be the crazy mouse lady

2007-09-16T23:54:00.001-07:00

Went to Lort Smith Animal Hospital to have our rats (yes, we have rats now) checked for some kind of cold they're having. Saw the most interesting dogs and their owners.. this oldish lady came in with 4 dogs and started chatting with almost everyone around her. No, make that everyone. She was repeating the same conversation to everyone seated around her, even craned her neck behind her so she could talk to us. All this while I felt pity for her, and the whole time I kept telling myself I'm going to do what I can to make sure I don't end up having to have 4 dogs who I talk to all the time cause I don't have anyone else around. Just like this lady I just got to know who was never married and lives in a 1 room apartment with her 2 dogs, 5 rats, a cat who just died, 2 rabbits, ferrets and god knows what. I really can't help feeling sorry for her either cause no matter how strong you think you are no man is an island, everybody has to have somebody. For goodness sakes she backed out of her mother's birthday because she got an anxiety attack and goes through depression. It's kinda scary getting to know someone like that but it made me realise just how lucky I am.

It's been a weird and tiring week.

Taken down

2007-09-13T06:07:00.000-07:00

The last 2 posts have been taken down due to the author's discretion, and also she doesn't think you're ready for the eye-boggling starking obvious facts contained. =)

Screensaver? Brainsaver.

2007-09-07T08:26:00.000-07:00

As winter's misty mornings are slowly replaced by spring's bright sunny greetings, I realise that at this time next year, should everything go as planned, I would no longer be a student. I would be, if my expectations are correct, officially unemployed. Should I be so fortunate for find myself a job, I'm sure it would be in the retail line, handing out burgers and fries or discussing dress/shoes sizes with faked enthusiasm to earn just that extra dollar to ease the pocket.

Oh how I dread graduating, this life has provided me ample time to myself, allowing indulgences in pets, shopping and whatnots. To work is signing up to be someone else's slave, and I'd much rather be a slave to my mice (which I already am) than to some fat, old, ugly, anal retentive boss.

Time has gone by so quickly the past few years. The months I spent at Metro are like a bittersweet dream to me now, there are no regrets moving to Sunway thus far. In a blink of an eye it'll be finals then it's time to go home again to the parents. And as I get increasingly overwhelmed by the realization of the crazy workload that I signed myself up for this semester, I feel withdrawn from reality. In place of the usual stressful thoughts I have in my head are nice scenic pictures and lounge music. It's like my brain's on constant sleep mode.

The smothered voice that keeps repeating "Time to wake up, look around you, there's work to be done" is gradually getting louder. Hopefully I'll wake up in time to pass the finals.

I'm the Crazy Mouse Lady

2007-08-24T06:09:00.000-07:00

SOOOO stressed out right now.. Crawling and panting under a mountain of work, while choosing to ignore the burden and should therefore be crowned Queen of Procrastination. You know what would be really good right now? A mystical crystal ball. Just so that I can tell the future, to see whether all this is worth it. I mean, if after all this work, I'm still going to turn out a hobo, I might as well go be that right now. And take my mice with me. Then everyone would know me as 'The Crazy Mouse Lady'. Maybe then I'd get famous or something for having developed an affinity with mice and I'd be a real life Dr. Dolittle for rodents. I would then die of like.. I don't know, Salmonella or something which I caught from the mice but nobody would know until months later cause there wouldn't be a body left after the mice have finished with me.

Morbid you say? Could be true. The next time you hear the phrase 'Crazy Mouse Lady', look around and it could be me, dripping with mice scavenging for bits of food in the trash. Who knows what not completing a degree can do to a person.

Mrs. Squeekerson

2007-08-22T03:38:00.000-07:00

Took a slow day today.. Just stayed at home, wasted loads of time instead of studying/catching up on lectures/ working on assignments, and played with the new additions to the household.. my mice! The male one's called Rufus (nicknamed Fat Rufus), and the 2 females are Lilo and Stitch. Yes yes I know Stitch is a rather masculine name.. but if you just watch her a bit you can't deny that she's very much like the cartoon character. They've been here for about 2 weeks now.. well actually I got Rufus first (then named Tinkerbell cause the stupid pet shop lady said he was a female) then I wanted to introduce 2 females and found that 'she' didn't quite take to them, of course being a male he'd be more territorial which would explain why, but I didn't know he was a guy then, right?

So what choice did I have but to return him.. since I had gotten quite attached to Lilo and Stitch and didn't really like how 'Tinkerbell' smelled (males stink compared to females). Then lo and behold.. one look at 'her' and the pet shop guy told me 'she' was a he.. and that our females could be pregnant cause I put them together for awhile. Imagine our shock.. I felt as if my mice had been sexually assaulted cause they were only 6 weeks old then!

But after awhile I got used to the idea that they could be preggers and soon became quite excited about the prospect of having baby mice. A week later I visited the same pet shop to get some stuff and poor 'Tinkerbell' was still there.. buried himself under all the bedding. I felt guilty for making him a homeless mouse again (and by now he's gotten cuter and very much chubbier) so I finally got JH to agree to having him home again. And that was how Rufus the Fat Mouse came to join the household. Will post up pictures soon.. it's quite hard to get them to just stay still for a picture.

For more info on my mice move your mouse here and click!

Gtg catch up on some ~~Zzzzzzs~~ tax lectures now.. Toodles!

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Now playing: Kisschasy - Opinions Won't Keep You Warm At Night
via FoxyTunes

Now: Mist, 10 degrees Celcius

2007-08-20T16:42:00.000-07:00

*YAWN*... It's 9.45am and the sky looks as if it's about to pour us with a good shower. As I look up, dark heavy clouds are unmoving, adamant to stay and make any commuter's day an even harsher one. It's 8 degrees outside, perfect for settling under the covers for a good snooze. My eyelids carry heavy weights this morning, despite the fact that they know they have a full day ahead. If I close them for more than a second it would be sweet surrender to the open arms of Mr. Sandman. It's so easy to procrastinate and stay home. Even more now that it's raining.

One of the frustrating things about the Melbourne weather is that it seems just as indecisive as me. One minute it would look as if it would pour buckets and the next it morphs into a bright, sunny day.. gloomy part of day dropped like a stale cake with total disregard. Which is why it's hard to find an excuse not to go to classes on days like this.. if it was raining in KL you'd know it would be a heavy one and would use that as an excuse. But this? Even rain itself here seems hesitant.. as if the sky cannot decide whether or not to go ahead, and the next thing you know, it has stopped. I wouldn't even call it rain because most of the time it's more like mere drizzles.. enough to get you nice and damp, but not enough to drench you.

Great, see now it's stopped. The birds are out and chirping, there's no denying I can get to uni in this weather. Dang nabbit.

Roses really smell like ooo-oo-oo

2007-08-19T18:26:00.000-07:00

Wow.. for months I haven't felt like blogging. I don't know what it is (maybe I've been hanging out with JH wayyy too much that I'm turning into him) but lately my instincts have been kinda out of whack and I've begun to ignore the small thoughts and feelings that I get from time to time, things that I would've usually blogged about. Because other than these little thorns in the bush, I lead a pretty rosy life here at Melbourne.

Maybe too rosy.. I've been feeling guilty being so indulgent the past few weeks. Of course there's the financial problems too, but lately I've also noticed that I'm taking life much less seriously. I mean.. I used to be this anal-retentive clean freak nerd who would squeal at the thought of socks on the dining table and get cold sweat from the realisation of an upcoming test. Well I still do both, but to a lesser degree. Am I losing touch with myself? Is this how people end up doing a dead end job which they hate, and in turn hate themselves and their lives for it? Cause that's the last thing I want to be.

My mind's just everywhere right now.. so forgive me if I'm being rather incoherent today. Just the other day JH mentioned that I haven't given Chui Jia a thought in a long time. Which really amuses me how with time, one can just write a person off just like that. Ok granted, I saw it coming when she started being more transparent about the things she does.. in a way, things have turned out the way they should. Lesson learned: don't be too nice to anyone you don't really know. Enough said.

Craving for something savoury.. OOOOOHHH!!! ROTI CANAI!!!! See ya.

Spoiled brat & the pretty beast

2007-07-25T02:01:00.000-07:00

Man, does it feel SO good to be back here. Not that I don't miss home, but the flight back here was one of the most uncomfortable ones for me. First off, we couldn't get any window seats so we had to be sandwiched in the middle. Secondly, I sat next to the most versatile and 'interesting' couple (IMHO) one could ever end up sitting next to.

At the start of the flight they couldn't get their hands off each other. Smooching, touching, leaning.. was enough to turn me off plane food. Well, I was starving so maybe that statement is slightly exaggerated. Then, she takes a bite out of her fried rice with satay chicken, AND REFUSES TO EAT ANYMORE. It was so good!! I was still hungry, so hungry that I would've set aside my dignity and asked to finish it, but then I figured she might have some STD or fatal disease that could transmit through saliva, so I had to stop myself.

As I was dozing off, things started to get interesting. Voices raised, hands shaking, you could smell tension in the air. They fought as if they were the only people on the plane, the guy was pointing at the lady and threatening her in mandarin (I don't know why people tend to think I don't understand even a smidgen of the language), she started banging her fists and hitting the remote on the table. How could you sleep when there's someone hissing angrily and occasionally raising voices right next to you? Heck I had to think of the safety of my specs and ribs too, who knows when things could get more violent?

Then, just as quick and sudden as the fight had started, things began to calm down. As I resumed my original position to prepare for a little nap, I felt a pillow pressing against my right shoulder. You see, before this she was lying over his lap, now that the bf's pissed I suppose she could only sleep the other way. JH urged me to just elbow her away but I felt bad for her, woman to woman. She just kept on squirming till I was about to reach boiling point myself when they finally made up.

You would think that would come as a relief to me, well I did too. Until the guy took it upon himself to be the martyr and give the lady a softly-spoken lecture about her attitude (which was when I concluded she was a spoiled brat and probably would've needed that dig in the ribs I was about the give her). Sigh.. this went on for the rest of the journey. It was just so frustrating I wanted to take that guy by his long girly hair and just cut the damn thing off.

SO not looking forward to my next flight home.

End of show

2007-07-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

I've been hiding behind the curtains for too long about this. I wish I could just come right out and say it, but seeing as this blog is open for public viewing and there is of course that tiny little chance that someone involved might actually read my blog, I would just leave it at this: I have moved on. I shall no longer jump at the chance to bitch about it, no longer lull on what happened and of course, no longer surround myself with people who bring such negativity into the circle. Time and time again it has been proven that no good come from these people, therefore our relations will remain pure and simple: nothing but civil. If not for the Steven Lim video on XiaXue's blog, I would not have been able to make this clean break so soon. What's done is done and has been forgiven. Forgetting is another task I've yet to accomplish, I now walk away with efforts to live my life completely without you.

You're so vain

2007-07-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,

Tonight, a statement has to be erected next to all that embodies me:

I am vain.

Me and my bro had this devious plan (initiated by the more evil me) to exercise the birthright that our parents have sternly restrained us from doing for so long now: to call McDonald's Delivery for some fries and apple pie for supper.

As the phone rang at McDelivery HQ, guilt started to seep in. My first thought was regrettably of my own bulging tummy from tonight's sumptuous dinner. The second thought was of my brother's slightly larger bulging tummy, result of his love for all that is deemed fattening. As the telephone operator on the other end of the line took his time to record my details, the growing guilt crescendoed and much to my own relief, I put down the phone 2 milliseconds into being put on hold.

My brother stared at me in disbelief, I have never before turned down a chance to sneak some fries into my system. Just to show that I am indeed his blood sister and therefore am capable of pigging out, I then saved some dignity by nonchalantly saying that I preferred having the cupcakes HL got me.

Therefore dear friends, it is to my detriment that I announce that I have officially fallen into the trappings of 'the perfect body shape goal'. I've hereby become VAIN.

Lip smacking

2007-07-17T07:12:00.000-07:00

A super sweet welcome home present from HL to delight the taste buds, it's both candy to the eyes and the mouth. Yummmm.... :D

You must've noticed my lack of entries after the time my dad called 'situational discomfort', the truth is I'm usually in a more cheery disposition when things are going fine and small problems are generally manageable. Of course I'm still baffled as to our naivety and ready trust that probably brought it about the other time, but I guess I'm too simple a person to think people would treat me in the same manner as the way I treat them. Or at least to the extent of the core values that were seen to when I treat them the way I do.

But I can't say it was all a regrettable experience, after it has taught me to trust my own instincts and not to compromise an instinctive warning sign.

This wasn't supposed to end here but being the distracted me with the attention span of a goldfish, I forgot what it was that I wanted to say. The next time I blog it would probably in the shelter of my room, at cold wintry Melbourne.

Back home

2007-07-16T08:40:00.000-07:00

SO LAZY TO BLOG!!!

Ok I don't know what it is, but I keep wanting to sleep! Just like the when we went to Japan, I slept through all the bus rides. And this time there's no tour guide going on and on in Cantonese (which helped the last time since my command of the language is so bad), there seems to be this hibernation mode that I'm on even though I'm back in hot and humid Malaysia.

SHOPPING!! I've been going mad shopping! Not because I've been making purchases non-stop, but the people here seem to go on a much faster pace than I am. I seem to have adopted a really happy-go-lucky way of life that when someone elbows me in a massive Jusco sale, instead of asking "What's your problem, bitch?" I step aside and say "Oh, go ahead." Maybe someone has to bang some cymbals in my ears to wake me up a bit.

And surprisingly, I haven't bought that many things either. Suddenly, Zara and Topshop has lost their appeal, mostly through their exorbitant prices and lack of showing that the piece is worth the price. Why, I could spend the same amount of money after conversion at JayJays and would get things that I could wear more often. Speaking of conversion, I hope the prices of the books I got here are far cheaper than I would have had to pay at the uni bookstore, and I hope I got the right ones.

Feeling kind of guilty skipping the first week of class, but oh what the heck what's done is done. See ya!

Let it snow..

2007-07-07T06:21:00.000-07:00

Mt. Buller snow trip was a blast!! But as a rule, I'm not going to pretend that anyone actually enjoys seeing pictures of me, so I won't post any up. Besides, the snow bunny spirit got into me somehow and I must say, the spirit having left me, I'm wondering what the heck I was thinking.

2 days away from home! I'm not as thrilled as I expected to be, maybe cause my whole body's still aching over yesterday's toboggan accident. They should make us wear extra padding or something for that until we learn how to steer.

Guess that's all for now, I've got ice cream waiting for me. Shoo!

A sordid love affair

2007-06-30T06:01:00.000-07:00

This has got to stop. You're warm, loving and soft, but we have to stop meeting like this. It's beginning to show, I don't know how to cover this up anymore. People will start talking soon, whatever that's left of my dignity will be in tatters. I have a boyfriend you know, you're not the only one I want to be close to.

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LEAVE ME ALONE YOU EVIL PILLOW!!!

It's been a constant snore-fest lately at the Tan-Chew household. I don't know what it is, I just keep wanting to sleep. And the more I sleep, the sleepier I get! Someone has got to wake me up! It's the weather I tell you, it recreates the familiarity of an average air-conditioned climate in Malaysia, which I usually fall asleep in. Why do you think it's so nice to sleep in classes? Well of course the droning voice of a one-toned lecturer serves as a lullaby.. but the surrounding atmospheric conditions play a part too.

Current favourite activity: Watching the fish in the tank after a heavy dinner. Sends me straight to La-La Land.

I wonder....

2007-06-26T11:55:00.000-07:00

...why is it always Wise Man? Why not Wise Woman? I mean sure, I accept the fact that men do generally fair better than women in a lot of things.. but that doesn't mean that women won't reach the level of knowledge and enlightenment that would qualify as wise, right? I say it's quite sexist that it's implied that only a man can be wise here.. and don't try arguing that the 'man' in the phrase refers to humans in general ok, it's so blatantly pointing out a white bearded old guy. Which by the way, is another area worth debating. Why must they always be depicted as an old man with a long white beard, living on the top of some secluded mountain? Can't they be enlightened/wise while living amongst other human beings?

....who defined beauty? Why does everybody I know seem to be on the race to become thinner, taller, have finer features or bigger boobs? I mean.. why isn't fat the next big thing (no pun intended)? Heck if it is.. I'm on my way to become one of the more beautiful women out there. This supposed diet that JH is putting me through doesn't seem to be working.. heck I get pasta, fried things, fizzy drinks and popcorn with just a little bit of pestering. Guess you're not suppose to know your dietitian personally for a diet to be effective eh. :P

....why do some people seem to be blind to the faults present in themselves, but instead criticize and judge those same faults that are present in others? I would accept it if these people aren't so deeply flawed, to the point that they have lost most of what little respect I had for them in the first place. Do they choose to ignore these faults in themselves or are they just blind? It's a case of the pot calling the kettle black. But what's baffling me is that some people seem to think that their words and actions are always justified, to the point that they think it is their responsibility to administer some admonishment on others for some faults that they themselves have been caught with time after time. A question I'd like to ask is, "How can you live with yourself?" If this applies to you, maybe that's something to think about eh.

....why some people are just so bad at pretense? It's not really the act that's got me wondering here, what I mean is when you've been caught eating the cake, just come right out and say it, save yourself some dignity. Why skirt around the subject and try convince people that you didn't do it, when you so obviously did? Not only are you embarrassing yourself by earning the reputation as a bad act and coward, things just don't get fixed by choosing to ignore the problem.

It's almost 6am. Full day ahead. Who wants to go to Velvet's grand opening with me on the 1st of July?

Phew!

2007-06-25T06:17:00.000-07:00

Been a pretty busy week.. been spending what's left of this month's allowance and now feeding off my savings. Bad bad Tjia Wen.. I know I know. Yes you must've noticed this blog skin's plainer than the one I had before, no worries, going to work on that.

A crowded Max Brenner on a Monday evening at this time of the year can only mean one thing, SCHOOL'S OUT!!! Well uni actually, not too sure about the school holidays here. And so.. the stampede of uni students rushing for winter sale goods is on! *Feeling kiasu*

Everybody's on the race to look the most fashionable... even the hobos are picking up last season's leftovers. Evidence: JH was picking out beanies from the clearance sale section and asked for my help (big mistake) whereby I confidently pointed at something that looked pretty familiar therefore should be socially acceptable. Turns out, the familiarity was cause I had only just seen a hobo wear something similar. *kua kua kua....*

Going CRAZY

2007-06-19T18:42:00.000-07:00

Man isn't it a beeeeeautiful day!!
Birds not chirping, sun's not shining.. but I'm feeling so carefree I want to give everyone I know a hug! Heck, I might even turn around and give the people who have their knives stuck in my back a hug too!

Yesterday's paper was a sweet end to a bittersweet exam month. And I'll be home in 20 freaking days!! Wooohoo... 1 Utama here I come!

*rumble* Whoops.... tummy's making small protests. Hmm.. Chaddy for lunch, or Clayton town? Why not both!!

Heeeeyyy ya.... Hey ya.... Heeeeeyyyy ya... Hey ya... Shake it, just shake it shake it.. shake it like a polaroid picture!!

2007-06-17T07:56:00.000-07:00

Table piled up with books, heads buried in them, yet again the final hour before another last paper for a semester welcomed with furrowed brows and deep sighs. Why does it have to be this hard? If only we started studying earlier, if only we went for classes more often, if only.... how many more 'if only's would it take to finally dispel this procrastinating work ethic which is so deeply ingrained in our heads.

But ironically enough, I feel at peace with the world. At this stage, I'm beginning to see things as clearly as black and white, as the grey progressively dissipates into unknown horizons yet to be uncovered. This is what was meant to be shown to me. I'm thankful that the fog has lifted at a time when damage had not yet worsened. I thank you for showing me the sordid heart behind that gentle veil.

"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them"

- Galileo Galilei

Being blah

2007-06-16T06:56:00.000-07:00

Yet another day wasted just taking naps, dawdling, then going out for a friend's dinner (which does not contribute to any day-wasting activities, don't get me wrong), and the whole time, I keep moping about the exams that had passed, the upcoming trip back home, ladidadida.

"Why am I so weird, neurotic even? Do people actually see the nerd I really am? What do people see when they look at me? A pretentious spoilt brat, busy spending her daddy's money on useless luxuries and little perks?" These thoughts keep running through my head on train home.

The number of times I've been told just how 'princess'-y I am, how I'm so picky and sensitive to everything, how I look snobbish even when I don't mean to... Those times are becoming less and less of a surprise for me to hear but it makes them no less unpleasant.

While typing that out I had images of various people telling me "You shouldn't care about what other people think of you, screw them." But the way someone asked me tonight at dinner "Where are you from? Were you here for a long time?" with a furrowed brow and puzzled expression reminded me of just how unusual it is for a girl who was born and bred in M'sia but doesn't know nor speak Mandarin well enough to survive. It has become rather starking obvious to me in the recent years how the lack of knowledge in the language has left me rather handicapped. I feel left out when people around me say something in Mandarin then burst out in fits of laughter, I'd love to share in the joke too. The awkward silence that followed my answer to her questions could be replaced with her fake chin falling off while she was nodding to my reply and it wouldn't have been more awkward. Not that she has a fake chin.

You must be thinking "What does the spoilt little rich girl have to complain about this time.." Ah, screw you. Go preach or something if you're little miss perfect. I'll whine if I want to. But I'm done. That is all~ *waves dismissively*

Kill me.. kill me now..

2007-06-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

Hate exams. Hate hate hate Corporations Law. Hate hate hate Accounts. Hate hate Pensions. Hate Business Finance. Blame myself for being so relaxed this semester. Why aren't I rich and famous like those damn Olsen twins?

P/S: To that adorable little someone, hope you find this easier to understand. Miss you!

FINALLY!!!

2007-06-05T09:13:00.000-07:00

I know this is the wrong time to fiddle around with your blog.. or even be near it. But I finally found out how to put in my old template which I've missed oh-so-much!!

But don't worry... renovations is definitely in my books after exams. Please bear with the rough edges now, k?

Booyah!!

Weather update

2007-06-04T02:54:00.000-07:00

Final Exam countdown: 3 more days
Stress level: Significantly reduced.. not for good reasons
Preparations rating: 0.5% ready

Reporting live from Melbourne Australia, here's Tee-jia Wen with the weather news.

Thunderstorms seem likely today, with the ever-presence of high density in the brain and no recollections whatsoever of what was read in the northern areas. Efforts have been made to revive the lost information but with no avail.

In the central region, many reports have been made of gale winds and showers of food over the night, causing bloated-ness in that area and amassing fats. Experts have explained the current situation was a result of late-night binge eating which also resulted in a lacking of preparations for the upcoming final exams.

In the eastern and western areas however, due to what's been observed in the central region, masses of protein have been settling underneath the arms, causing extreme laziness and bouts of immobility. It has been predicted that this situation does not contribute positively in any way to the predicament that we're in.

Same goes for the southern region. The heavy dragging of feet has been seen many times over the past few weeks, which brought about lack of exercise and therefore a similar event of protein collection, specifically in the calf and thigh regions. Puzzling enough, this observation is untrue when the kitchen is the made the destination, as the feet seem to move pretty fast then.

That's all for now, folks. See you next time at whosyourdaddy.com whether news.

I should be asleep..

2007-06-03T11:00:00.000-07:00

but I'm not, duh. If JH found out I'd be put straight to bed, seeing as I'm close to getting a fever/cold/flu.

So freaking tired... I hate exams! Why can't they do it like MUFY, where they had like monthly tests which indirectly made ppl study consistently so we won't be guilty of last minute work? I loved MUFY... right before the finals I knew almost 70% of the stuff so that's a lot of work shot down. Now? Sigh...

I don't even know why I'm blogging. I don't share this URL with anyone, unless ppl actually assumed that I took on my old URL (which was what 'revived' meant in my display name), so no one's actually reading this. Then again, it's a good thing cause I can just write what I want to write without being worried that the wrong ppl find out about it. Feels good to bitch online.. it's as if I'm telling like 10 ppl at the same time, but what with my blog being in this state, I'd be lucky if I'm telling anyone.

But hey.. it's all good.

Feel like going grocery shopping now.. you see, when luxuries such as a car is taken away from a person, they reduce to feeling happy at the mention of mere grocery shopping. Sometimes I think not having a car is good tho.. you're exposed to many different types of ppl from all walks of life. It really opens up your eyes to the world and it's true colours. In a car, you're in your own bubble, most of the time you only see people you want to see. And in life, you can't always have things your way, right?

Aih.. don't know why the heck I'm blogging.. it's the fever talking. Don't want to get sick before exams!!

Pre-exam stress? I wish.

2007-05-31T09:58:00.000-07:00

It's 2.58am now, 7 days before my first final paper which means I should be:

A) Studying, or
B) Sleeping. Which JH is doing oh-so-nicely on my warm, cozy bed.

But obviously I'm doing neither.

That's cause halfway through some notes, my mind wandered off (as always) thinking about random thoughts such as "Why am I doing accounting?" which led to "Wonder what I'm going to end up doing after I graduate," and weirdly enough (though not so weird to me) "Where do those people who own the cute shops on Collins get the contact details of the suppliers?"

Please don't even try to figure out that train of thought.. it's not worth the time or energy. Trust me, you don't want to get into my head. It's a mix of Alice's Wonderland and things you see on a train.. on a small weighing scale.

Anyway, having had the bad bad experiences in my working days, which isn't many, I think I've developed a case of real-world-work-phobe. Doesn't seem to be getting any better.. cause every time I revisit those days, especially the times when things got kinda screwed up (think FOS Ikano), I scare myself on an even larger scale that I was when I was going through it. I mean.. retail's retail right? Should be the same at any country, could be worse here given the level of professionalism expected of the service industry?

Back then there were hierarchal crazy-female-supervisor-on-power-trip issues, at KPMG there were coping issues+health issues.. so what's next? My short-term memory won't be getting any better from the looks of it and from my observations it seems the line of retail which I'm considering needs some memory work to some point, and my klutzy-ness? Getting worse everyday. Just today I managed to knock over the mini pH test tube for the fish tank, hit my knee on my study table for the thousandth time, spill water when trying to fill the jugs, almost trip exiting CJ & Jon's apartment building AGAIN and a million other things which I did and forgot about because it was too routine or my memory just proved myself right...again!

How can I expect to earn a decent living in the future or even become someone's mother? Cause the way I see it, I'd be lucky if I'm able to feed myself through the day and as for the mother part, even having almost left the nest back home, I come here and my bf mothers me most of the time! I just can't imagine myself doing the same for someone else. What's more children.

Sigh... just like me to be thinking about these much too complicated issues instead of the matters at hand at the heat of the pre-exam period. Wouldn't life be simpler if you could just chuck nonsensical thoughts like that into the trash as you would with a file on the computer? Heck, I'm better off wishing for a duck to appear in my backyard tomorrow, just cause I feel like seeing one.

Closure, indeed.

2007-05-29T00:37:00.000-07:00

Yet another attempt from both parties to get together and do what we used to do: have fun and enjoy one another's company. But silence befalls another ridge in our conversations, laughter seemed coarse and too forced to be told true. Meek attempts to bring up topics of interest seemed to have left most of the conversations be said to ourselves instead of others. After several jabs at the dying shell that is our friendship, we decided to leave, the mixture of distance and strange familiarity proved too much to take for that night after all is said and done.

After the last entry, I realised that the negativity that filled the air every time we brought up past events had engulfed us too much for too long, but not yet enough for us to pull ourselves out of it. So the idea of making amends and starting anew had a welcoming response, I suppose we had both realised too much time and energy was wasted just talking about it. It's funny how, even though nothing was done just yet, I felt more at peace with myself than I had in the past couple of weeks.

But I suppose some things are hard to forget, and after the week-long silence from either parties, things would have been said or assumptions made on both parts which stretched the gap between us even wider. Not that I expected that we would all wipe the slate clean and regain the closeness that we once had. No, we were much too wary for the consequences of that had us licking our wounds in the past, and opened our eyes to what lines should be drawn even in the closest of friendships. I dare say we were foolish then, maybe even to the point of stupidity to assume that what we thought and practiced would be echoed with reciprocity.

Things could have been worse, I take it as a lesson learned. But one phrase rings true:

"What you do not wish upon yourself, extend not to others." - Confucius.

Closure

2007-05-15T20:22:00.000-07:00

There's trouble brewing in our midst and the bubbles are building up fast. Frustrations rest on the boxes piled up at the corner or our living room, the hot topic of our conversations returns faithfully at the injustice that was done upon us. We comfort each other that we are not as immature, stupid, insensitive.. but deep down inside we are counting down till the day that all this will be gotten rid of.

Never before have I met such insensitive and ungrateful people.. then again, never before have I been so kind to people I've only just met and gotten to know. All the excuses seem too nonsensical to even be heard, what's more to be spoken of. At least have the decency to tell me the truth behind these verbal abuses I've been receiving.. Even if I do try to believe your ridiculous reasons, I can't fathom why all the disparagement was focused on me when there were others around?

I've spent too much time and too much energy assessing and analysing this situation, I've chewed and chewed on it till all the flavour's gone, for something that isn't even worth an inch of the effort I've put into. Heck, life is short, too short to be wasted on people who waste my time. This is closure, I have a life to live and you're not going to be in it.

Counting sheep..

2007-05-07T10:20:00.000-07:00

Made the huge mistake of watching 'The Lost Prince' right before bed.. so now my brain is whirring and clicking thinking about life, death, justice, wars.. all that sort of stuff which would keep my mind running for the rest of the night. It's just sad that the boy has died.. but wake up! It's a movie! Ahh.. doesn't help.

It just seems quite ironic, really. How most of the time we (or specifically me) obsess about the more uncertain things like will I graduate in time, will I have children, have a good career, a loving spouse.. that we often forget the one certain thing that would befall all of us: Death. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting we should all be morbid creatures who constantly hover around the certainty of death and what embodies it, but I think that an occasional reminder that we will all face Death in our own time puts things in a much bigger perspective rather than us focusing on the tiniest little details. Instead of our life's goal being 'achieving a successful career and having lots of money' which would of course render us rich but money can't buy us happiness and health now, can it? No.. after thinking about it, I'd like to be happy and healthy, which includes everyone I know and love enjoying their lives as well. It doesn't matter so much whether I'm rich or poor, but it does matter that on my deathbed, I don't want to think that I have fallen prey to the luxury of material material things.

That aside, I think it's time for bed.